


Can't Lose You

by lilchimpy



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Love Confessions, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29643993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilchimpy/pseuds/lilchimpy
Summary: Olivia walks into Barba's office and onto a scene that will change their lives forever.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 31
Kudos: 109





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I just kind of write what I like, so a lot of this might not be entirely canonical. This is my first-ever fan fic, just discovered Barson fic a couple weeks ago and gotta say I'm obsessed. After reading a few stories, this idea came into my head. Enjoy!

“Liv!”

Olivia Benson could hear Rafael Barba’s smile in his voice as he answered the phone, which in turn made her smile. “Hey! Are you still at the office?” she asked, knowing full well that he was. It had been a long week already, and he was prepping for an especially important case.

“You know I am. What time is it? Shit! After 8:00 already? How does time always do that?”

“Have you eaten dinner yet?”

“Dinner? I don’t remember the last thing I ate. This case, it’s been…”

“Hell?” she offered. A sigh was the only response she got. This case had hit the whole squad pretty hard. The details were horrendous, but thankfully, they had the guy, a ton of solid evidence and great, reliable and believable witnesses. Everyone knew this guy was going away for a long time. “Listen, I’m actually currently caught up on stuff on my end, let me bring you some coffee and food.”

“That would be amazing,” she could hear the smile in his voice again, and she could just picture his eyes crinkling at the ends like they do when he smiles, which made her heart skip a beat. “Oh, one sec,” she heard him pull the phone away from his ear. “Carmen, no, I don’t need you anymore tonight. Please, go home and get some rest. No, no, I insist. No, I’m good, Olivia’s on the phone and she’s going to bring me some food. {laugh} I promise, I’ll eat it!” Olivia heard Carmen’s voice raise in the background, addressing her. “Olivia, promise me you’ll make him eat it!”

Olivia laughed. “I promise!” She raised her voice so Carmen could hear.

“See? I’m good! Now go, have a good night, see you tomorrow.” She heard the phone return to his ear, followed by a sigh. “I know I’ve been overworking her this week, but this case...”

“It’s too important to screw up. I know. It’s been hard on all of us.” Olivia nodded to herself. The ones with kids were always the worst, and this one was one of the worst they had ever seen. She cleared her throat, not wanting to start thinking about it now. “So, what should I grab? Craving anything in particular?”

“You always know what I like. Surprise me.”

“Got it. One surprise, coming up.” He laughed at that, and Olivia chuckled back. “I’ll be on my way shortly, give me a half hour?”

“Sounds good,” he paused a second. “Thanks Liv.” For some reason, the way he said that brought a small blush to Olivia’s cheeks and set her stomach aflutter, made her breath catch in her throat for a second.

“You’re welcome. Of course. See you soon,” and she hung up. She stared at the phone in her hands for a few seconds, a smile taking over her face.

“How’s Barba?” a voice interrupted her thoughts. She glanced over at Fin Tutuola, sitting at his desk. They were the only ones in the office, besides Don Cragen, their captain, who was locked in his office going over some final paperwork. The rest of the squad was out wrapping up a few loose ends, collecting the last bits of evidence needed for this important case.

“How did you know it was Barba?” she asked, surprised he knew.

“Because you’ve got that ‘I just talked to Rafael Barba’ look on your face.”

She instantly blushed, looking away from him. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” she said, trying to keep her voice even.

“Please. Every time you talk to him on the phone you look like a giddy schoolgirl.” She groaned and closed her eyes, wondering if it was that obvious to everyone else. “And,” he continued, noticing her reaction to these words. “I’ve noticed how you light up whenever he enters the room. But I’ve also noticed how he lights up when you enter a room, too. Even when he’s chewing my ass over something, when you walk in it’s like the sun hits his face.” Her heart quickened at his words. Could that be true? Could it possibly be true that he felt something like how she was feeling? They were basically best friends, and that’s all they had ever been, everything between them a platonic dance. But could there be more? “So, when are you two going to just get together already?”

She sighed. “It’s... complicated.” She allowed.

“And?” he pressed her for more information.

“And, I don’t have time to talk about it right now. I told him I’d bring him some food, and that I’d be there in a half hour. So, I gotta go.” She gathered her stuff up and started making her way to the elevator.

“We are going to have a conversation about this,” he called out after her. She waved him off as if shooing a fly, but then when she turned the corner, she looked back at him and smiled. She made her way down to the street and hailed a cab. Once she was inside and settled, with her destinations given to the driver, she pulled out her phone and shot a text to Fin.

**Do you think anyone else suspects I have feelings for him?**

_**So you do have feelings for him! I knew it. And no, I don’t think so. At least, if anyone did, they haven’t mentioned it to me.** _

**I promise, me and you at McGinty’s for drinks sometime soon. I’ll fill you in. And please, don’t mention this to anyone?**

_**Drinks sound good. And of course I wont’ mention it. You know I’m not like that.** _

**I know you aren’t. Thanks Fin. You’re a great friend.**

_**Of course. You are too. Have a good time with him tonight.** _

**I will. See you tomorrow.**

She put her phone back into her pocket and smiled. It actually kind of felt good to have someone know how she felt, like a small weight had been lifted off her chest. She was even looking forward to talking to Fin more about it, she knew he always had a level head and would give her genuinely good advice.

A few minutes later they were stopped outside a decent enough restaurant that was between the precinct and One Hogan Place. “Just grabbing some takeout, I won’t be too long,” she said to the cabbie as she stepped out. 15 minutes later she was back in the cab. “That took a little longer than I thought,” she said as an apology to the cabbie.

“Hey the meter’s running, I’m fine. Next location is One Hogan Place?”

“Yes, thank you.” She took out her phone again and shot a quick text to Rafael.

**Surprise is on the way! :) I’m running just slightly late, so don’t freak out.**

She smiled. She was excited to see him, and she hoped he actually took a few minutes to sit down and enjoy the meal with her, instead of just eating as he worked as usual. She hadn’t seen him a lot this week and was looking forward to spending a little time with him. After a few minutes she frowned, he hadn’t responded to her text. That wasn’t like Rafael. He was as punctual in his responses to texts as he was for appointments. ‘Oh well,’ she thought. ‘He must be on a call.’ And she put her phone away and looked out the window at the passing city for the rest of the ride.

A little while later they pulled up in front of the DA’s office. She handed the cabbie some cash, gathered up her things and made her way into the building. There was no one at the Security Desk, which she found unusual, but at this time of night the building was pretty empty. ‘Maybe he just went to the bathroom.’ She shrugged and continued on her way, pulling her phone out to check for any messages from Rafael. He still hadn’t responded to her text, but there was a text from Amanda Rollins, just some additional information regarding the case, some stuff she asked Olivia to pass on to Rafael. Olivia let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t anything that would require her to go back to the precinct, thank god. She put her phone away and continued towards Rafael’s office. When she got to the hallway outside of his office, she was surprised to see his door was wide open. She knocked lightly on the doorframe and peeked inside. “Rafael?” She didn’t see him anywhere in the office. ‘Man, a lot of guys needing to use the john tonight’, she thought to herself as she made her way across the office. But as she went to put the food on his desk, she saw something that made her scream, the takeout bag dropping from her hand and crashing to the floor.


	2. 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would update weekly, but who I am kidding? I have chapters burning holes in my pockets so here is chapter 2 for you. Again, things won't be entirely canon, I write about the characters I like, whether or not their timelines coincide. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!

There, on the floor behind his desk, was Rafael. He was lying motionless, covered in blood. Too much blood. She ran over and knelt next to him, knelt in a puddle of the viscous fluid, feeling the warmth against her knee. She quickly checked his pulse and was momentarily relieved to feel one, but it was weak. She hurriedly pulled out her phone and called 9-1-1. “This is Detective Olivia Benson with the 1-6, badge number 4-0-1-5. I need a bus at One Hogan Place. We have an ADA down. He appears to have been beaten and appears to have multiple stab wounds. There’s a lot of blood. He is breathing and does have a pulse, but it’s weak and irregular.” She put the phone on speaker and set it on the floor, listening to the 911 operator and responding to her questions as best she could. “There’s so much blood, so many wounds, I…I don’t know what to do!” she yelled into the phone, trying to keep it together as best as she could. She needed to keep it together for Rafael.

“Try and find the wound that he’s losing the most blood from and apply pressure to that one. Are you the only one there?” The 911 operator was calm and collected.

“Yes, yes I’m the only one here. I walked into his office and found him like this. The bus needs to hurry, he’s lost so much blood…” she trailed off, tears welling in her eyes, her hands pushing with all her might into the biggest wound she could find, the one in his abdomen. Her eyes stayed trained on his face, his beautiful face, the face that belonged to the man she loved. She can’t lose him now; she can’t lose him with so much unsaid between them. “Rafael, you have to stay alive, please stay alive,” she said, her voice betraying her by losing its calmness.

“You’re doing great Olivia. I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to try and stay calm. Stay calm for him. He needs you until the paramedics get there. Keep checking his pulse, make sure he’s still breathing. If he loses his pulse, you’ll need to start chest compressions.” Olivia nodded and placed the fingers from one of her hands to his neck.

“He still has a pulse, but it feels weaker than before. Oh god, he’s going to die. He can’t die,” panic was creeping into her voice again, and her mind began reeling until the voice inside her head just continued a single chant: ‘Don’t die don’t die don’t die don’t die,’

“The ambulance will be there shortly. Stay strong. You can do this. I’ve informed them of the loss of blood and multiple stab wounds, they are ready.”

Olivia nodded and kept putting pressure on the wound, chanting her mantra in her head. It felt like hours until she felt a pair of hands grab her shoulders and not-so gently pull her away from him. The paramedics stepped in and started working on him. She slowly backed away and out of the office, until she backed up into the wall. Her knees betrayed her and she buckled, sliding down the wall until she was on the floor, all pretense lost and she succumbed to the sobs that had been trying to escape since she walked into his office.

\---

Amanda and Fin were sitting at their desks, talking about the case, happy that they were going to get this guy, when Cragen walked out of his office. The two looked up at their captain and the look on his face made both of them immediately feel on edge. “Captain? What’s up? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Fin said, standing up.

“There was a 9-1-1 call that came in from One Hogan Place.” Fin and Rollins glanced at each other, an uneasy feeling immediately sinking into their respective guts. “It’s Barba.”

“I gotta call Liv, she was on her way there,” Fin started to reach for his phone to call his friend.

“Liv is the one who called it in,” Cragen said, halting Fin’s hand in the air. “I want you two to head over there now. This might not technically be an SVU case but the whole squad is going to be helping on this one. I’ll call Amaro and Carisi and have them meet you there. No one attacks one of our own and gets away with it.” Nick Amaro and Sonny Carisi were the other two detectives in the squad and had gone home a short while before, happy that they were going to finally have a somewhat early night this week.

“Got it Cap.” Fin and Amanda stood and quickly made their way out and down to the car. Fin turned the lights and sirens on and started driving like a bat out of hell.

“Liv must be devastated,” Amanda said.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Fin sighed.

“What, the half where she’s in love with him? And he with her? But they’re both too stubborn and foolish to do anything about it?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

“Now how the hell do you know that?” Fin asked, genuinely surprised.

“Oh please,” she scoffed. “It is so obvious, even Carisi knows.” They both smiled at that, even though the smile didn’t quite reach their eyes. Sonny Carisi was a great detective, but not always great when it comes to matters of the heart. It took him forever to read the signs Amanda was giving him, and even longer to actually ask her out.

“Damn,” Fin let out a low whistle. “She just finally admitted to me tonight that she has some sort of feelings for him. And now this.”

“We don’t know how bad it is, Fin. Maybe it’s not so bad.” the statement was more of a question, a hope. They both knew that Olivia had been through enough trauma in her life and definitely didn’t need to add losing Barba to the list. They looked at each other for a split second, but deep down they both knew it was probably really bad. Fin just pushed his foot down more, easing his car faster and faster so they could get there sooner. “Also, why don’t you let me, Amaro and Sonny start working the case when we get there? Liv is going to need someone to be there for her, and you’re her closest friend, next to…” her voice trailed off, not wanting to say his name, as if that would make it more real, or make him more in danger. Fin nodded his assent. She smiled a tight-lipped smile and looked out her window, willing the car to move just a little faster.

A short time later, they arrived on scene. The lights from all the squad cars and ambulances flashed brilliantly in the night, lighting up the area in a surreal sea of red and blue. They got out of their cars and walked towards the scene, flashing their badges at the uniformed officer guarding the police tape who lifted it for them; they ducked under and entered the building.

They remained quiet on the ride up the elevator, taking in the calm before the storm. In short order, the doors opened and they walked down the hall, finding Olivia sitting against the wall outside Barba’s office. Fin crouched down next to her while Amanda went into the office; Fin could hear her trying to get a status report from the busy EMTs. He turned his attention to Liv, who was staring ahead in clear shock, tear-stains evident on her face. “Liv, hey Liv,” he gently and slowly put his hand on her shoulder. She turned her face towards him; it took a second for her eyes to focus on his.

“Fin. There…there was so…much…blood.” She spoke each word deliberately, her head accenting each word. Suddenly, without warning, she started sobbing.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok, it’s ok. Let it out, let it out,” Fin pulled her into his arms, letting her cry into his shoulder. He knew better than to say Barba would be ok. Neither of them knew that at this point. The only thing he could do right now was try and comfort her as best as he could.

“He can’t die, he can’t. He just can’t,” she sobbed. “He doesn’t know, he doesn’t know…”

“I know, I know Liv. The EMTs and the doctors will do everything in their power. Barba’s a fighter, you know that. He’ll fight this. Fighting’s his favorite thing. I know it’s hard, but you need to be strong right now. He’s going to need you to pull through this.”

Olivia pulled back from Fin’s shoulders and gave him a determined thin-lipped smile. She swiped at her eyes and took a large shuddering breath. She nodded her head and then slowly stood up. Just then, the EMTs came out of the office, fast, pushing a gurney out. “Get out of the way!” one of them said urgently towards Fin and Olivia, they stepped back against the wall and watched as the still form of Barba, covered in tubes and wires, was urgently pushed past them. Rollins followed them out and turned towards the shocked pair.

“He’s stable, for now. The didn’t give me too much information, but they’re taking him to Mercy.” As she was talking Amaro and Carisi arrived, joining the talking small group. Amanda nodded towards them and then continued her train of thought towards Olivia and Fin. “Maybe you two could go to the hospital, wait for word on Barba? The three of us will start investigating here.” Fin nodded and gently began guiding Olivia down the hall. After a few steps, she hesitated and then turned towards the other three.

“Make sure you get the bastard.” They nodded in agreement and she turned back and resumed walking down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't forsee myself as an author that will delve too deeply into cases and all the things that go into solving one, so I might often use a Deus ex machina to help get these cases solved. Cases will never be the forefront of my work; instead I like to focus on the relationships and how they might be effected by the case. So apologies in advance if things just seem to work out or solve themselves. :) Also in the upcoming chapters there will be some medical talk and while I will try my best to keep that in the realm of reality, it might not always be the case. But I'll try my best! Thank you all so much for reading and every kudo and comment means the world to me! I appreciate it so much!


	3. 3.

The ride to the hospital felt like an eternity to Olivia as she anxiously fiddled with her phone, turning it over and over in her hands, the feel of the smooth glass comforting her, not caring that she was probably getting blood all over it. His blood. Her breath caught in her throat. Fin kept quiet, but kept his hand on her shoulder, every once in a while giving it a squeeze to reassure her and let her know he was there for her. Finally, the cab pulled up to Mercy and they quickly got out, practically throwing the money at the cabbie. Once in the ER, they walked up to the desk, flashing their badges at the charge nurse. “Rafael Barba?” Fin asked, eyebrows raised.

“He’s still being worked on. Sorry I don’t have more for you, but they’re trying to make sure he stays alive right now. There’ll be plenty of time for questions later. Why don’t you go have a seat in the conference room we have designated for this case,” she motioned down an adjoining hall and Fin and Olivia took their leave as the nurse started talking to the person behind them. Olivia felt like she had been punched in the gut. Trying to make sure he stays alive? He had been stable when they wheeled him out of the office…but with that kind of injury… She shook her head, trying to clear out the negative thoughts and focus on the moment, focus on the now. It was something one of her therapists had told her once; when you feel your thoughts spiraling out of control, focus on something that is real right in this moment. She tried to focus all her energy of the feeling of Fin’s touch as he gently guided her towards the conference room. They entered the room not surprised to find it full of people: from the precinct, from the DA’s office, even some defense attorneys were there. The were all in various states of disbelief, anger, shock. Olivia and Fin sat down in some chairs closest to the door; Fin knew she would want to be one of the first to know any updates. One of the unis from their precinct made his way over to them.

“Hey. Don’t you guys worry, we’re gonna get whoever did this. Barba, he might be a hard-ass, but he’s our hard-ass. And you don’t mess with ours.” He shook their hands and Olivia smiled her thanks up to him. He nodded in return and then went back over by some of the other officers.

“Looks like a lot of support for Barba,” Fin said. “That’s good to see.”

“Yeah, he might have an edge to him, but I think everyone knows how tirelessly he works for our victims. He’s a great ADA, and a great guy.”

“That he is,” a new voice spoke up. Olivia and Fin looked up to see Jack McCoy standing there. “Olivia, Fin. Glad you’re here.”

“Jack, hi. So sorry. I know he’s one of your best…” Olivia started to say, but Jack put a hand up to stop her.

“You don’t have to say sorry to me. I’m the one who’s sorry. I know how close you two are.” He smiled sadly at her, making her wonder if he somehow knew exactly how close she wished they were. “He always speaks so highly of you,” he added, touching her briefly on the shoulder, before nodding at them both and walking away to talk to some of the other people in the room. Olivia could feel herself starting to become overwhelmed with emotion again, and leaned forward, resting her head in her hands, elbows on her knees.

“Come with me,” a gentle voice said. Olivia looked up to see a nurse in front of her, holding some scrubs in her hand. “Let’s get you cleaned up and you can change into these,” she said. Olivia nodded and followed the nurse to a changing room a short way down the hall. She washed herself up at the sink as best as she could, not able to get all the blood off herself, and peeled the bloody clothes off her body, putting them into a bag. She used some wet paper towel to try and wash off more of the blood that had seeped through her clothes and then gave up and just put the scrubs on. She could feel more blood dried I her hair, so she pulled it back into a ponytail and then hurried back to the makeshift waiting room.

An hour or so later, Cragen entered the room and made a beeline towards Olivia and Fin. “Hey you two, how are you holding up?” Olivia just looked at him and gave a half-hearted smile. Fin replied, “We’re hanging in there, Cap.” Cragen nodded in reply, sighing as he sank into the chair on the other side of Olivia. “Have you heard anything?”

“No updates yet, just that they’re working on him. Any updates from the rest of the squad?”

“Not yet. I told them to come straight here when they had some information for us.”

Fin nodded grimly. The three of them sat there, contemplating all the thoughts that were running through their minds. Cragen and Fin thought of all the various ways to investigate what happened, angles to run, people to talk to, next steps. Olivia just thought about all the things that could go wrong with Rafael. All the ways she might lose him. She slowly let herself fold forward, her head hanging low, hands clasped together. She stared at the floor tiles, making pictures out of the abstract array of squiggles and lines. On one tile she was able to make out a squiggly ‘Liv’, on another, if she squinted and tilted her head, she could imagine she was seeing a ‘Raf’. She smiled slightly and then choked out a strangled, quiet sob. She felt a hand gently yet awkwardly pat her on the back and she knew Cragen was doing his best to try and comfort her. She didn’t know how long she sat there like that. It felt like days when a doctor finally entered the room.

“Barba?” he asked, making sure he was in the right room. Heads nodded in his direction and he sighed. “He is out of surgery and is currently stable, but still in critical condition. We’ve got him up doing an MRI currently and then we’ll move him to the ICU.”

Cragen stood up. “Captain Don Cragen. Is he awake, doc?”

The doctor shook his head. “No, he is not. And we don’t know when he will regain consciousness. He has experienced a lot of trauma, so he could be out a day or two or a couple of weeks. We just don’t know at this point.”

“And can you tell us the extent of his injuries?”

The doctor looked grim. “We counted over 20 stab wounds, several more cuts. He was beaten and suffered a fractured skull as well as a fractured orbital bone. He also has a fractured ulna. One of the stab wounds went into his gallbladder, which we removed. Several other internal organs were nicked, and he lost a significant amount of blood. If the EMTs hadn’t arrived when they did and hadn’t been able to begin giving him a transfusion out in the field, he wouldn’t have made it. It was touch and go there for awhile even with the transfusion. He’s not out of the woods yet, he’s got a long way to go, but I think it’s safe to say the worst is behind him. He’s a fighter.” The doctor nodded to the room and then left, off to see another patient.

Olivia felt like she couldn’t breathe. With every injury the doctor listed off she felt more and more lightheaded. What the hell happened to him???? Who would do such a thing? She felt herself start to gasp for breath and immediately two pairs of worried hands grabbed her. “Liv, breathe, you’ve got to breathe,” Fin said, but to Olivia’s ears he sounded hollow and distant. The squiggles on the floor started turning black around the edges and then everything was gone.

“Olivia!” both Fin and Cragen reached for her and were able to grab her and gently guide her to the floor. The others in the room looked towards them in concern, and one of the unis ran out of the room, presumably to grab a nurse. Fin started patting her gently on the face, “Liv, Liv, wake up, wake up,” A nurse came running into the room and took over for Fin as he stood up to give her some room.

“What happened?” the nurse asked.

“I think she fainted,” Cragen replied.

“Did she hit her head?”

“No, we were able to catch her and lower her to the floor.” The nurse nodded and felt for a pulse and checked a few other things. Within a few moments Olivia started moaning and moving her head, her eyes blinking.

“Hey, welcome back,” the nurse said, helping Olivia slowly sit up. “Take some slow, deep breaths. Smell the roses……and then blow out the candles.” Olivia nodded and started taking deep breaths, following the nurse’s advice. Someone gave the nurse a bottle of water, which she took and, following a few more deep breaths, gave to Olivia with instruction to take small sips. Olivia smiled a half-hearted smile at the nurse and thanked her. “Ready to try getting into the chair?” she asked after a few minutes and the color started coming back into Olivia’s face.

“Yes, I think so,” Olivia responded, feeling highly embarrassed. She slowly got to her feet with the help of Fin, Cragen, and the nurse and slowly turned and sat back down in the seat she had been occupying previously.

“Have you eaten anything recently?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“I’ll ask one of these handsome gentlemen to go get you some food. That could be part of why you fainted. And I want you to drink all of this water. Have someone come and get me if you start feeling worse, ok?”

Olivia nodded gratefully at the kind nurse, happy she wasn’t making her go sit in a bed somewhere to be checked out. Fin stood up and announced he’d go get some food from the cafeteria and Olivia knew, knowing Fin, he’d come back with a huge assortment of goodies. She smiled at him in thanks and took some more small sips of the water. “You ok Liv?” Cragen asked. The concern in his voice made Liv thankful that she had a boss like him. Come to think of it, Cragen had slowly over the years turned into more of a father figure than boss, actually.

“I’m ok, sorry. I haven’t eaten since, um, maybe breakfast? And I know I haven’t been drinking enough water on a good day, let alone a day like…” she trailed off, Cragen nodding in understanding.

“Well, I want you to start thinking of yourself, too. I know it’s hard, but you’re not going to be any help to Barba if you don’t take care of you.” Olivia nodded, she knew it, but it was so much easier said then done. They sat in amicable silence, waiting for Fin to return. A short while late, Fin appeared in the door, his hands laden with bags filled with all sorts of food, including those cherry pies that were basically just one big pile of sugar which were Olivia’s favorite; she could see them through the semi-transparent bag and her stomach growled at the sight. She smiled, taking some comfort in the fact that Fin knew her so well and knew what she would want right now. He stopped in front of Olivia and handed her the bag that held the cherry pies, and then went on and handed some items out to the other people in the room. Behind Fin, another officer walked in with his hands full of a large container of coffee and a bag full of bagels. The sight of food and coffee seemed to bring a little more life to the group. People rushed over to offer assistance to the food bearers. Eventually someone shoved a cup of coffee into Olivia’s and Cragen’s hands and a moment later Fin returned to his spot and they all quietly sipped their coffee and ate from the assortment of food that now sat in the room.

Shortly after this, Amaro, Amanda and Carisi entered the room, serious looks upon all their faces. “Captain, Liv, Fin,” Amaro nodded to the other members of his squad before launching into the details of what they had been able to discover so far. The security guard that was supposed to be on duty was discovered unconscious, shoved under his desk. The security tapes showed a man in a hoody knock the security guard out with something, they couldn’t quite make it out in the video. He had a concussion, but other than that was ok. They followed the man on security footage go up to Barba’s floor, and they saw him as he made his way to Barba’s office, and then enter. Approximately 10 minutes later he ran out of the office, holding what appeared to be a bloody knife.

“We’re pretty sure we found what he used to…to…beat…him,” he danced his way around the word ‘beat’, knowing that listening to this was causing his partner pain. “It’s a heavy brass lamp base. It was found with blood and…tissue…on it.” This time, he stumbled on the word ‘tissue’. “And when you’re feeling up to it, later, we need to get your statement as well. But that can wait until you’re ready,” he finished quickly, as she began to shoot him daggers with her eyes. “How is he doing, by the way? Any updates?”

“Last we heard he was up gettin’ an MRI, then they were gonna to move him to ICU. He’s not doing great, but doc thinks the worst’s behind him,” Fin filled them in. “He has a lot of injuries, was stabbed over 20 times, and several fractured bones in his head and arm.” Carisi, Amanda, and Amaro all exchanged a look that showed they all felt the same way Fin, Cragen and Olivia felt.

Amanda knelt in front of Olivia. “Liv, I am so sorry.” She placed her hand on her friend’s shoulder, trying to offer comfort, something she wasn’t particularly good at doing. “I know how hard this is for you. But we’re gonna get this guy. And Barba? He’s a fighter, man. He’s gonna fight to make sure he can see you again.” Olivia’s eyes jumped up to meet Amanda’s. She smiled a tight smile at her, nodding her head ever so slightly, as if to say ‘Yeah, I know.’ Olivia sighed and the tears started to silently flow down her cheeks again. The rest of the squad looked at each other, sharing an unspoken moment where everyone confirmed what everyone else suspected. The moment also solidified in all of their minds that their top priority for the foreseeable future was to bring this guy down. It was one of those moments that they would never forget; one of those rare times when everything was communicated with a single knowing glance and nod.

The moment was broken by the entry of the doctor again. “Mr. Barba is now in the ICU. Took us a little longer than we thought to get him there, but he’s all set up in his room. Right now, though, I’m only allowing people on his emergency contact list in to see him. The nurse will be in shortly to bring you up.” And as fast as he had entered the room, he was gone again.

A sudden thought rushed to Olivia’s brain. “Lucia!” she blurted out. Her friends all looked to her. “Rafael’s mom, she doesn’t know yet!”

“Do you have her number?” Cragen asked, looking across the room and motioning to Jack McCoy. Olivia pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she found it. “I’m going to have McCoy call her, you don’t need to do that.” Olivia handed her phone over without objection, which Cragen took as a bad sign. Olivia was incredibly stubborn, her giving in to this made his worry over her increase tenfold. He looked up as McCoy made his way over. “Do you know if anyone has contacted Rafael’s mom,” Cragen asked. McCoy sighed.

“I honestly don’t know. Unless the hospital did, I don’t think so. I’ll give her a call,” He pulled his phone out and punched in the numbers, glancing at Olivia’s phone to make sure he got the number right. Then he left the room to go make the call. He passed a nurse on his way out, who came in and cleared her throat for attention.

“Is there a Lucia Barba or an Olivia Benson in the room?” she asked. Olivia raised her hand.

“I’m Olivia.”

“You can come with me.” The nurse turned and started out the door, stopping just outside to wait for Olivia to gather her things. Fin stood up with her.

“I’ll walk you up there and wait in the hall. They probably haven’t assigned a guard yet, so I’ll take first watch,” he said, taking her arm gently and leading her towards the door.

“We’ll be sure to get a uniformed officer up there soon, but I think I might make one of our squad sit up there as well. Whoever did this may very well try and come finish the job,” Cragen said to them as they made their way out the door. A few steps later and they were out of the conference-slash-waiting room. Olivia took a huge breath.

“Thanks Fin. Thanks for coming with me. I’m really thankful you’re here with me.”

“Oh, forget about it. That’s what friends do.”

She smiled at that and agreed. They followed the nurse into the elevator, and then up to the third floor. They followed her down a hallway that was full of nurses rushing about, machines beeping all over the place, the smell of antiseptic attacking her nostrils. They stopped outside of a room with windows looking inside. “This is his room. Only Olivia can go in,” she addressed Fin, “But I’ll get you a chair to sit in out here.”

Olivia took a deep breath and then entered the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading! I hope you continue to like this story. I'm not sure if what I have in my head is coming out as well on paper as I wished it would, but I hope you like it anyway.


	4. 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the beginning of Rafael's medical journey. While I work in healthcare, I can't pretend to know the first thing about the kind of stuff he's going through, so it might not all be medically accurate (in this chapter and upcoming ones), but I tried to be as close to realistic as I could. My apologies if it isn't. Enjoy!

She closed the door behind her and then leaned against it for a few seconds, her eyes closed, trying to gather her composure. Then she took a very deep breath and forced herself to walk over to his bed. She looked down at Barba, her friend, and a deep throated sob immediately escaped her mouth. He did not look like the man she knew, the man she loved. He looked small, and weak, and…broken. His eye was horribly swollen, with bruising and cuts making his face look like a topographical map. His head was heavily bandaged, as was his arm. She was sure if she looked under his hospital gown, she would see even more bandages. He had a spiderweb of wires attached to him and various tubes coming out of him. She could see he was intubated, and had a nasogastric tube coming out of his nose. However, his right hand laid next to him, the back of which appeared unmarred. She slowly and carefully reached out her hand and very gently ran her finger up and down this one, perfect hand. The skin felt smooth, which made her smile. He was the only man she knew who got regular manicures and probably applied hand lotion more than she did. She pulled the visitor chair to the side of the bed and sat there watching him, her hand gently placed on top of his hand.

“Rafael? I’m here, it’s me, Olivia. I’m here, Rafael. And I need you to fight. You need to fight through all of this, you hear me? This is the biggest trial of your life and you _need_ to win. You _have_ to win. Because I need you. I need you to stay in my life. I can't lose you. Who would I fight with if I didn’t have you? Who would cause my heart to do backflips whenever they entered the room? Who would I…love?” She continued to talk to him, begging him to stay strong, to stay with her, tears falling down her face the entire time, making tiny little wet spots on the blanket next to him. She didn’t know how much time had passed when she heard a small knock on the door. She turned to see Lucia standing in the doorway, her eyes mirroring Olivia’s with the amount of tears in them. “Lucia,” Olivia breathed, standing and greeting the small woman with her arms open. Lucia stepped into her offered hug, squeezing the detective tightly.

“Thank you, Olivia. Thank you for being here for my son,” Lucia said, her voice quiet but strong.

“Of course, there’s no where I’d rather be,” she pulled back and looked at Lucia.

Fin cleared his throat and they both looked over at him. “Liv, now that Lucia is here, maybe you would want to run home quick, take a real shower, put on your own clothes again?”

“What? I am NOT leaving him!” Olivia spoke as loud as she dared, not believing that Fin would ask her to do such a thing.

“Olivia,” Lucia said in a soothing and gentle voice, gently grasping Olivia by the arms. “You have been here for my Rafi for a long time. It’s my turn now. Go, take care of yourself for a little while. And then come back. I know you’d rather be here when he wakes up then when he is still unconscious. You need to take care of yourself too, amiga.”

Olivia was about to voice another protest when she saw the kind, caring look in Lucia’s eyes. The knowing look in her eyes. Her head dipped down as she acquiesced. Then she looked at Fin. “Are you sitting here now?” Fin nodded his head.

“Yeah, I’m here until Nick comes to take over. We’re all going to take shifts. I said I would finish this first shift at the hospital, since the others have already been investigating. And a uniformed officer will also be here. He’ll be safe and protected, don’t worry.”

Olivia smiled and nodded, glad that her squad, no, her _family_ were going to do their best to take care of not only her, but Rafael as well. “Alright,” she sighed. “I’m going home. Lucia, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Lucia smiled and nodded at her, gently patted her cheek affectionately, and then went back into her son’s room, shutting the door behind her. Olivia gave one last big hug to Fin and then started down the hall to the elevator. It would be nice to take a shower, she admitted to herself. She could still feel dried blood in various spots on her body, could still feel the stiffness of her hair where blood had congealed. She made her way back down to the main floor and left the hospital.

A little while later she was at her apartment building, going up her own elevator, walking down her hallway and finally entering her apartment. It felt like a lifetime ago that she was last there, but was it really only less than 24 hours since she had left her apartment? She couldn’t believe it. She shut the door and locked it behind her, then she leaned against the closed door, letting the grief and tears overtake her again. She slid down the door until she was sitting on the floor, her body wracked with the deep sobs that only those under extreme emotional distress know. She sobbed for a good 10 minutes before she felt the shuddering begin to subside, then she sat there a good 10 minutes more, willing herself to calm down. She slowly stood up and made her way to the bathroom.

She turned the shower on as hot as she could stand, and stood under the flowing water, letting it spill down her head and body. She grabbed her loofa and squirted too much soap on it and began scrubbing at her body, the places that still had blood visible and the places that she could feel the dried blood crinkle when she moved. After she was sure she had scrubbed it all off her body, she focused on her hands. Little bits of blood had dried under her nails and in her cuticles, in the creases between her fingers. When she was finally satisfied that she had gotten all the blood off her hands, she started shampooing her hair. She could feel her hair snarl as she worked the shampoo through the places where the blood had congealed, the suds turning a very pale pink as they cleaned the blood out.

A half hour later she left the warm, steamy comfort of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, and made her way to her bedroom. She hunted through the pile of clothes sitting at the end of her bed and found her favorite pair of fleece pajama pants and her favorite tee-shirt to sleep in. She pulled them on and then crawled into bed. Her mind was racing, but even with thoughts of Barba filling her mind, eventually exhaustion won out and she drifted into a fitful sleep.

_Olivia saw Barba at the end of a hall. “Rafael!” She called to him, raising her hand in a wave, but he made no sign that he heard her, he just stood at the end of the hall, his back to her. She started walking towards him, continuing to call his name as she did so. It started out playful and happy, thinking he just couldn’t hear her or was playfully pretending that he couldn’t hear her, but it quickly turned terrifying. It seemed like no matter how far she walked, he was still the same distance away, the hallway continuing to stretch on before her. She began to jog, and then switched to a full-out run, first shouting then screaming his name. Cold terror filled her veins with ice, and she knew if she didn’t reach him, she would lose him forever. But no matter how fast she ran, how loudly she screamed his name, the hallway just continued to stretch on and he continued to stand with his back to her, just standing there, still as a statue. Her lungs burned with lack of oxygen, she had never run so fast for so long in her life, not even when chasing perps. But she couldn’t give up, she couldn’t lose him…_

“RAFAEL!” She screamed and sat bolt upright. She gasped for air and whipped her head around, taking in her surroundings. It took her a few bleary seconds to realize where she was, that it had only been a dream. She sat in bed, gasping for air, feeling the adrenaline slowly start to recede. She brought her shaking hand to her head and slowly wiped the sweat away, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths the way the nurse had shown her last night. “Smell the roses……blow out the candle”. After a few deep breathing rounds she felt better and slowly opened her eyes. The room was bathed in sunlight, so she knew she had at least gotten a few hours of sleep and reached for her phone to check the time. It was almost 10:00, she had slept for almost 6 hours, which shocked her. She noticed she had a few messages from Fin, and then from Amanda. Just small updates that pretty much just said there were no updates. Olivia let out a relieved sigh. She didn’t think she would forgive herself if any major changes had happened while she slept.

She got out of bed and quickly changed into jeans, leaving the shirt on that she had slept in. She went to the bathroom and quickly brushed her teeth. She stopped in the kitchen as she made her way to the door and grabbed a bottle of water as well as an apple. She knew it wasn’t enough, but she was certain there would be food at the hospital. If there was anything the NYPD was good at for their brothers or sisters in need, it was making sure they were well fed. She slipped on her comfy sneakers, grabbed her purse, patted her pocket to make sure her phone was there, and got out of the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy! I have a few more chapters already written, and I am hopeful that if you've read this far and have enjoyed, you'll continue to enjoy. Thanks for kudos and comments, they mean the world to me and you have no idea how much I appreciate each and every one. See you in a few days for Chapter 5! :)


	5. 5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have taken a few liberties with some of the medical stuff, so I apologize in advance. Hope you enjoy anyway. As always thank you for reading!

She stepped out of the elevator on the third floor and walked resolutely towards Barba’s room. There was a guard sitting outside the room, who gave her a nod and a small smile when he saw her approach. Olivia smiled at him and wordlessly handed him a coffee and bagel that she had grabbed from the cafeteria. She was a little concerned when she didn’t see anyone from her squad around, but her concern dissipated when she slowly opened Barba’s door and peeked inside. Amanda was sitting in a chair in the corner, watching the monitors for any sign of change. She looked up when Olivia entered and gave her a small smile. Lucia was sitting in the recliner chair next to Barba’s bed, fast asleep, huddled under one of the thin hospital blankets.

“Hey,” Amanda whispered, standing and stretching her muscles. “The nurse said I could sit in here if I wanted, as long as I promised to be quiet.”

“Thanks for being here Amanda, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.” Olivia smiled at her co-worker and friend.

“Hey, if it was one of us, Barba would be doing the exact same thing and then some. He’s a good guy and we will all fight for him.” She reached out and gently squeezed Olivia’s upper arm as she spoke, giving her a knowing look and smile. Olivia just smiled back, grateful tears filling her eyes. Amanda let go of her arm. “I’m gonna step outside, keep the uni company until Nick comes to take my place. There are several squads working on this case, we’ll get him,” and with that she stepped outside. Olivia looked around the room and smiled when she noticed a pile of snacks on the counter opposite Rafael’s bed. She went over and helped herself to a muffin, then settled herself into the chair that Amanda had previously occupied. She pulled out her phone and started mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. Movement and noise across from her caught her attention and she looked up to see Lucia waking up.

“Olivia, buenos dias,” she said quietly, stretching her arms and then looking lovingly at her son. Olivia felt like she was intruding on a moment.

“Do you want me to give you some time?” she asked, not wanting to be a bother.

“Oh no, no amiga. I had him all to myself for a long time. If you don’t mind, I think I might step out for a little while, see if I can get some decent breakfast, maybe go home and take my own rest.” She smiled at Olivia. “It’s easier knowing you’re here, you know?”

Olivia nodded in agreement. “I know,” she whispered.

“He speaks of you often,” Lucia said, looking at her son as he spoke. “He thinks a great deal of you. I know he would be happy to have you here to himself for a little while.” She grasped her son’s hand for a moment, then leaned over and gently placed a kiss on his cheek, before standing up and beginning to gather her things. “I will see you later,” she said, stopping on her way out of the room to briefly cup Olivia’s face in her hand. And then she was gone.

Olivia stood where she was for a few moments before she went and settled herself in the chair close to Rafael. She looked at him, tears filling her eyes again, but not as many as before. She was beginning to allow herself some hope that he would pull through, that he would be ok. “Raf? I’m here,” she whispered, placing her hand on his again. “I’m here.” And she began to talk to him. She talked about the frightening dream she had this morning and about the funny cab driver she had on her way to the hospital. She talked about the young, uniformed officer outside and how looked like he was young enough to be her son, and she talked about how thankful she was for the co-workers she had. She continued this stream of consciousness for quite a while. It felt strangely good to just be able to sit and talk about anything and everything that came to her mind. A lot of it had to do with how scared she was at losing him, and how she promised she would be honest with him if he came out of this ok.

After a while, she turned the small tv in the room on, and turned the volume very low. She settled back in the chair and found Food Network, her favorite channel. She watched the chefs egging each other on as they each tried to prepare the best clam chowder and felt her eyelids become heavy. Soon she drifted off. Her nap was interrupted by the nurse, coming in to check Rafael’s vitals and shine her flashlight into his eyes. She smiled at Olivia. “He’s doing well, all things considered. He’ll be going up for another MRI soon; the doctor wants to check the swelling in his brain, make sure it’s going down appropriately.”

“Swelling?” Olivia immediately went from relaxed to on edge; they hadn’t mentioned brain swelling before, at least not to her.

“He had some slight brain swelling earlier, not uncommon in brain injuries. He’s lucky, it wasn’t significant. But we need the MRI to just make sure it has gone down or hasn’t gotten worse.” Olivia must have looked worried or nervous (or both), so the nurse continued. “We use extra-long tubing and adjust the airflow rate to make up for the increased length in tubing. We do MRIs on our intubated patients all the time. It’s a small circus to get him in and out of the room, but he’ll be fine.” She smiled again and then busied herself on the other side of Rafael’s bed, checking his bandages, nodding to herself, seemingly satisfied with what she was seeing. Olivia stood up to stretch, and then quietly exited the room. She saw Nick sitting in the hall, playing cards with the uniformed officer. They both looked up at her, Nick offering her a small smile. Olivia felt a pang of thankfulness in her heart. She knew Nick wasn’t Barba’s biggest fan, they butt heads an awful lot, but she was so happy he was here making sure he was safe.

“Hi Nick,” she said, and nodded at the uniformed officer. “They’re taking Rafael up for an MRI in a little bit, so I thought I’d stretch my legs a little. Can I bring you guys anything from the cafeteria?”

“Hey Liv. Actually, I wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee and maybe a burger or something,” Nick smiled at her, glad to see that she was doing ok at the moment.

“That sounds good,” said the uni. “I’ll have the same, if you don’t mind.” Olivia smiled and nodded.

“Two coffees and two burgers coming up. Thanks guys, for everything.” They nodded their ‘you’re welcomes’ and went back to their game. She made her way down to the cafeteria, got their food as well as something for herself and then made her way back up to the ICU. She took her time, knowing that if Rafael was going for the MRI, he’d be gone at least a half hour, maybe more. She eventually got back to his room and handed the food over to the two men, Nick laughing and the other man groaning and shaking his head.

“I swear you’re cheating!” the uni said, followed by a chuckle.

“I’m not, I swear!” Nick laughed and looked up at Liv. “Thanks for the food. They wheeled Barba out a couple minutes ago to have the MRI.”

Olivia nodded and then went into Rafael’s room, pulling the smaller chair into the hall so she could sit with the two men as she ate her food. “Any updates on the case?” she asked, trying to keep her voice casual but knowing that Nick would see right through it.

He sighed. “Yeah, we think we may have an idea of who…committed the assault. Fin and Rollins are grilling him right now. He’s a career criminal but has no apparent ties to Barba. We’re thinking he did the job for someone else, and that’s where we’re coming up empty. He’s refusing to say who he’s working for, trying to play it off as just a random violet act. Which nobody is buying.” He took a bite of his burger and a swig of his coffee. “We’re looking through all his phone and email records, looking at security footage from his apartment building, his work, any place he goes regularly. Hopefully, we can catch him meeting with someone shady.”

Olivia nodded at the information then let out a small sigh. While she was happy and relieved that they had the guy in custody, she was still nervous. Obviously, someone was pulling the strings here, but who? She didn’t let her mind wander too much thinking about it, she wanted all her attention on Rafael. “Thanks for the update, Nick. I really appreciate everything you guys are doing.”

“Oh, it’s not just us, Liv. Lots of people want in on this. There are a lot of good cops and detectives working around the clock on this. We’ll get him. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Olivia said, smiling at her partner. Nick nodded solemnly; he knew what she was worried about.

“Hey Bill, why don’t you take five?” Nick said to the uni, who looked between Nick and Olivia and nodded.

“Sure, thanks. It’ll be nice to stretch the legs a little.” He got up and wandered down the hall. Nick looked back at Olivia.

“Liv, all of us on the squad, we know how much he means to you,” he began, talking slowly and deliberately, wanting this to come out right. “Even though you guys aren’t, ‘together’, I know you think of him as more than a friend.” Olivia started to blush at this and looked down. Why was she being so shy about this? “And what’s more, whether you know it or not, we’re all pretty sure he feels the same way about you. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned over this last year it’s to not take anything for granted and to let the people you love know you love them. So I want you to promise me, that when he comes out of this, you’ll tell him how you feel; how you really feel.” Olivia looked back up and locked eyes with Nick, her eyes beginning to betray her as well with tears. “I mean,” Nick continued. “He’s a pain in my ass more often than not, but I’ve seen the way he stands up for our victims…and I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and I know he’s actually a really great guy who would be lucky to have you.” Olivia reached out and quickly squeezed his hand. “But if you tell him I said any of this I will swear up and down that I didn’t.” He smiled at her and she smiled back at him.

“Thank you, Nick. That really means a lot to me. And you know, you’re more than just a partner to me. You’re family.”

“Yeah, I know Liv.” They shared a small smile and another hand squeeze, and Bill walked up and sat back down in his chair. “Alright,” Nick let go of Olivia’s hand and addressed her and Bill. “Who’s up for the next game of Go Fish?”

Olivia laughed. “Is that what you’ve been playing so intently?”

Nick smirked. “Contrary to popular belief, it’s a game that involves a high level of deductive reasoning and skill.”

“Well in that case, deal me in.” Olivia smiled. Bill dealt the cards, and they spent the rest of the time waiting for Rafael to come back playing cards.

Eventually, a hospital bed wheeled its way up to the room and all three looked up from their game. Rafael was being brought back to his room, presumably done with his MRI. It was quite a production, what with all the machines he was attached to, to get him back into his room. Thankfully, these ICU rooms used sliding doors that were able to open pretty wide, making it easier for the medical team to get him back in the room. Olivia, Nick, and Bill all got out of the way and let the staff do what they needed to do. Once he was safely back in the room, the nurse let them know that the doctor would be up shortly to discuss the results. Olivia nodded her thanks and turned to the other two.

“Thanks for the company and the cards and…the distraction,” she smiled at both of them. I’m heading in there. Let me know if you need anything or if anything comes up.”

“Will do Liv. Thanks,” Nick said, squeezing her bicep quickly to show his support. Olivia entered the room and shut the door behind her. She once again settled into the chair next to the bed and resumed watching the Food Network, reaching out and placing her hand over Rafael’s.

A couple hours later, Lucia walked into the room. “Olivia! How are you? Any updates?”

“Lucia, hi! Welcome back. He’s been doing great. They took him up for an MRI earlier and the doctor should be here soon with results, hopefully.”

“That’s good. With any luck we’ll get some good news.” She sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes taking in her son as well as Olivia’s hand resting on Rafael’s hand, smiling at the sight. Lucia knew her son, and she knew from the way he talked about Olivia that he loved her. Whether or not he had admitted it to himself was another story, and it warmed her heart to see things like this which made her think that Olivia might love her son, too.

“I think I’ll wait to hear what the doctor says, then maybe I’ll head back to my apartment,” Olivia told her. So the two women sat and chatted amicably, moving smoothly from one topic to the next. Olivia realized that she rather enjoyed the older woman’s company. It didn’t hurt that Lucia loved to tell embarrassing stories about when Rafael was a boy.

Eventually the doctor came into the room and smiled at the two women. “His MRI looked good,” he began. “The swelling is going down and appears to be going down faster than we anticipated. Which is a good sign. His vital signs are all looking good and we might even be able to try and extubate him tomorrow or the day after, if things continue the way they are going. We do need to talk about his feeding tube; if we want to continue the nasogastric tube or switch to a G-tube. But it might still be a little early to decide if he needs something more permanent or not. These next few days are critical in making these kinds of long-term decisions. We will be setting up a care conference to discuss more of his care at a later date, the social worker will be in touch to get that set up. Do you have any questions for me at this time?” Lucia and Olivia both shook their heads no; Olivia knew she probably had too many questions, but they were escaping her at this moment. The doctor continued, “I know it can be a lot to take in and a little overwhelming, so please don’t hesitate to ask the nurse when you do have questions.” Olivia and Lucia both smiled and nodded, and the doctor exited the room.

Olivia stood up. “I am going to take my leave for now. Let me know if you need anything, ok?” Lucia smiled at her and settled herself into the chair that Olivia had vacated as she stood to gather her things. She leaned back and looked over at her son. Olivia’s heart broke to see the pain in the eyes of the strong woman. She knew that Lucia was trying so hard to mask the pain she was feeling, trying to show the world how strong she was. She turned her head from the touching sight and left the room. Nick was still sitting outside, playing cards with Bill, and they both looked up from their game as she shut the sliding door behind her. “My shift is done for now, but I’ll be back later.”

Nick smiled and nodded. “See you later, Liv. Take it easy.” And with that Olivia walked out of the hospital and made her way back to her apartment to try and get a little rest and nourishment so she could start it all over again a few hours later.

**Author's Note:**

> I see people put this on their fics, so obviously I don't own these characteras, NBC and Dick Wolf do. I just wrote the story that came to my head.  
> Thanks for reading! I already have 4 more chapters written, and so much more in my head! I am planning on updating once a week, so hopefully I remember and stick to it. Let me know if you like it so far!


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